back in the saddle again

the temperature on the dash read 77 as i made my way home this evening. i rolled down the windows and enjoyed the breeze playing on my skin and in my hair. i kicked my shoes off and drove barefoot. the sun was low in the sky, causing me to squint for the entirety of the drive, but i thoroughly enjoyed the daylight.

i can feel a perceptible shift in myself. back to normal. the last bout of pms or post-ms was a doozy. my face is still recovering from the recent hormonal havoc - i have to make a conscious effort not to pick the shit out of welts that sprouted, red and irritated, in the past couple of weeks. i often think about whether or not such severe emotional tree-swinging is normal. it reminds me of my mom and her bi-polar-esque switching from maniacal happiness to ferocious anger. i fear becoming my mother... and yet i take solace in the fact that she's always been batshitcrazy... all the while i was growing up, all during my young adulthood, and before, during and after menopause.

my food situation was also completely tore up the last couple of weeks. i was primarily craving meat, fat and salt... i'd like to excuse the cravings with some scientific bit about my body building stores before it shed iron or other minerals, but i know i the truth... the truth is, i just gave up. i didn't bust out the willpower when i needed to. i let the "it's too hard" excuse drive me. i'm not going to beat myself up about it. the scale is 1.5 pounds up, but i am myself again. i'm quiet enough to hear my body and level-headed enough to respond with what it needs. tonight it needs leafy greens... a nice big, fresh salad with chickpeas and feta and a few black olives.... and then a nice long walk. this is what my body is asking for this evening and this is what i will give to it.

it feels good to be back in the saddle. i think i've got about six more days of this mellow, even-keeled mentality before the pms crazies kick in again... hey, i'll take whatever i can get!