the beverly hillbillies

i had a really fun weekend. my aunt and uncle and her three boys came out for a quick visit. fortunately for me, my auntie and crew stayed with their friends, giving me respite in the evenings.

we decided to go out to dinner on saturday night. my other aunt and her husband came up from the o.c. to join us. we were a boisterous party of nine with healthy appetites. no sooner had i walked in the door, ready for pre-dinner merry making, did i turn right back around, rushed out the door with everyone else to make our reservation. my aunt directed me towards their rental car, a huge white mini-van, and said that i would be carpooling with them. i climbed over a week's worth of 11 yr old boy road trip remnants and packed into the furthest row back with my two cousins. we were laughing and horsing around until one of the boys unearthed an empty drink cup. "EWWWWWW!!!" one of them shreiked while the other taunted him with this seemingly harmless empty cup. "what are you screaming about? it's an empty cup!" i asked the little hellion with the lungs. "jack PEEEED in that cup on way down here!!" he cried. good christ. "OK, JACK! put the cup down and stop freaking your brother out," i said. what was really going through my head though was, "please, baby jesus. please make that spawn of your archnemesis put that muthafucking piss cup down before any remaining, stray drops strike me in the face, neck, shoulders, legs, arms or torso." lets just say i was feeling every inch of the piercing shriek that my other cuz was emitting just moments ago.

jack finally turned his attention to taunting my aunt while she strapped the littlest one into the car seat, saving us all from a golden sprinkle. after securing the baby, my auntie started commandeering seating arrangements for everyone and to my horror, that included ALL NINE OF US in this mini-van. now, i'm not a real fussy gal, but i gotta say my idea of a good time does not include packing into someone else's dirty, stinky, road trippy car funk like a bunch of hatian refugees.

where is the common sense here? of the six adults among us has no one but me thought of just taking two cars?? my thought was interrupted by a painful blow to the shoulder. one of my relatives from the middle row was violently trying to find a suitable grasp while they precariously perched from half a butt cheek. finally we were off with the promise of a very brief ride to the restaurant.

no sooner did we get on to the main road before the two hellcats beside me started giggling again. almost instantaneously i was overwhelmed by the noxious fumes of 11 year old flatulence. normally i find farts to be... well... rather funny. but this putrid stink... this was from a gateway of hell that i have not known before... this was the stuff that melts faces and burns the ass out of underpants. this was literally making me gag. the toxic green cloud crept its way to the front seats amid revolted cries for mercy and the boys' peels of laughter. the windows finally went down, providing much needed relief to our shriveling alveoli and soon we arrived at the restaurant.

dinner was delightful and the boys were wonderfully wild 11 and 13 year old boys. when we got back to the house i hung with everyone for another hour or so. finally i bid adieu and made it back to the warmth and cleanliness of my own home.

friday and sunday held more of the same, boisterous, big-family good times. although its nice to have these jubilant breaks from the earnestness headiness of my thoughts, i'm grateful to get back to the grind, to sprawl out in my big comfy bed, in the quiet of my own home, with my own furry babies. i'll take a wet-nose nuzzle over singed lungs and flying pee cups any day!